This blog is a guide on to how to choose a life coach that’s right for you. It explains what a life coach is and what they do, what they are not and questions you may want to consider before you hire a life coach.
​
Choosing anything in life can be tricky. When we are buying an expensive purchase such as a car or a holiday we can spend considerable time researching and going over the options in our head.  If we need a new hairdresser or dentist we tend not to rush into the first place we see. If we’re planning a celebratory dinner somewhere new we won’t just pick a place out at random. We consider the options available to us, get recommendations from friends or read reviews.  Choosing a life coach also requires some research and consideration.

Primarily life coaches are engaged with the here and now, moving you from where you currently are, to where you want to be. They work with high achievers and people who want to improve aspects of their professional or personal life. A life coach empowers their clients using a framework to identify and overcome their obstacles, enabling their clients to live a better, richer life that meets either their personal or professional goals or both.  Life Coaching is for those who feel their life isn’t where they want it to be and they feel they haven’t the tools, know-how or confidence to make those changes.

A life coach can help you with one or multiple goals that you want to achieve. These can range from your career or work projects, through to your lifestyle, emotional states, relationships and personal development. For example, you could need help getting motivated, fitting in time to have more fun, money management. Or personal wellbeing, stress management, assertiveness and confidence building, or time management.
A life coach should never tell you what to do, but use specific questioning techniques and models, that bring structure in order for you to make decisions for yourself. A life coach empowers and motivates you by equipping you with the tools to allow you to overcome personally challenging situations.

What a life coach isn’t
​
A life coach is not an agony aunt or your new BFF, therapist or psychotherapist or counsellor. A life coach is not your superior, but is an equal. They do not diagnose or determine a mental health issue, nor do they give you medical advice or prescribe you medicine. If issues relating to any diagnosed mental health issues transpire in the coaching conversation, a life coach will request that the client seeks medical advice from a medical professional. Having said this clients living with mild depression can benefit significantly from the coaching relationship.

​Employing a life coach can be one of the most rewarding investments in your life. There are many types of life coaches for you to choose from, these include business coaches, executive coaches, career coaches, holistic coaches, health & wellness coaches and sports coaches.

Before you consider which life coach is best or whether you need one, I would firstly encourage you to consider Are you ready for the coaching relationship? This is absolutely crucial to achieving successful outcomes. Are you ready to put the effort in and commit to making those changes? Life coaches are not able to help you if you’re not prepared to help yourself by being fully committed!
So you’ve decided you want to hire a life coach, consider these points.

1.  Be clear what you want a life coach you need and what you’d like to achieve from the coaching relationship. This could be something as specific as how to deal with a difficult boss or more general such as wanting a career change but have no idea what it is you want to do. Once you have decided this it will narrow your choices down a little. Most life coaches specialise in specific areas.
 
2.  Talk to your potential life coach. Most offer a free consultation over the phone and they should do, it’s not just you choosing a life coach, the life coach needs to be sure they are the right person to help you.
 
Before you speak to a coach write down your questions so you can be clear what you want from them.

• Have a list of other practical questions you need answered, such as the prices, how far in advance you need to book or how and where the sessions will take place.
• Your gut instinct will play a good part in this process too. You’ll get a feeling about whether you like them or not, do they sound professional, are they listening to what you are saying, are they focused on your conversation, do they ask you questions?
• Do you feel that you have the right chemistry together, can trust them and do they sounds like they have your best interests at heart? You will also need to be open and honest as well. During the conversation do they make you feel reassured and relieved that you’ve contacted them? Or are they more interested in getting you to pay up for a course of sessions.  Trust your instincts, even if your best friend has recommended this person it doesn’t mean you’ll click or gel with them too.

3.  How much are you willing to invest? Not just financially, but in terms of time. Have a budget worked out and an idea of how much time you want to spend with your coach.  Remember a high price doesn’t always guarantee quality. Choosing a life coach that has a long list of coaching qualifications or rated at the top of the Google rankings is not necessarily going to guarantee you success or a great coaching relationship.

4.  Avoid being pressured into paying for 100 hours in advance because they think you ‘need it’. Of course your life coach will be able to make recommendations, but avoid someone who is trying to strong arm you into committing too much, especially before they’ve met you and evaluated your needs.
 
5.  They won’t necessarily have to have had the same experiences as you. It is often better if they haven’t. If you are looking for career guidance choosing someone with a background within your current industry may mean they may not be able to think outside that box and will have preconceived notions about what you are going through or accept a status quo. The principles a life coaches uses should be relatable to you as an individual and not already have bias and see the same constraints you do.
 
6.  A good life coach make won’t make wild promises to you, nor will they be vague. They should help you to create a clear plan of action. After your first session you should have established goals, both short term and long term.

A great life coach is an important decision to make. Use this guide to help you find the right coach for you and your life. Remember to use the points mentioned above to find the right coach to support you. After all it’s your life, so make it a full, happy and rewarding one.

To learn more about making a decision about starting life coaching read my blog on Committing to Life Coaching
​
I wish you all the best in discovering YOUR star potential.      
Julia

​How do you know if you are ready for a coaching relationship? Do you have the drive and commitment required to achieve your goals? Are you really looking to make changes?  Do you have a clear idea of what you want to achieve in life? This blog answers these questions. You will find sections concerned with WILL and PURPOSE to help you discover whether hiring a life coach is the most appropriate course of action for you to take.

Will

With the best will in the world a life coach is not a miracle worker. We do require certain qualities in our client’s mind-set for us to be able to work our magic. All you need to do is answer YES or NO to the statements below.

1.  There are areas in my life where I want to make a make positive change
2.  I am ready to trying new experiences, ideas and ways of thinking
3.  I am ready to let go of beliefs that hold me back
4.  I am ready to have honest and open conversations, even when they are challenging
5.  I am committed to putting in the time to make that change happen, even when it gets tough
6.  I am committed to keeping my promises
7.  I am ready to let go of beliefs that hold me back
8.  I have the support I need to make any significant changes
9.  I am mentally/emotionally stable to be in a coaching relationship and do not require medical treatment or therapy from a professional
10. I am able to take full responsibility for my own life and the decisions I make

If you have answered NO to a couple of these statements, then it might not be the right time for you to experience the coaching relationship just yet. If you are prepared to make adjustments to the NO statements, life coaching could still be the right choice for YOU!

​If you answered YES to all the statements then that’s great! You are well on your way to getting the most out of the coaching relationship. 

Purpose

Are there any aspects of your life or career that you feel could be improved upon?  Are you living an OK or it’ll do for now life? Do you have aspirations of living a life that is truly fulfilling, purposeful, meaningful and rewarding to YOU? 
​
The next 7 questions identify if you have the ‘Purpose’ for a successful coaching relationship. They may be more difficult to answer. The reason I say this is because unless you know your authentic-self the answers to some of these questions require investigation, so I’ve included some examples to help you figure this out.

1/ What type of life do I want to live?
Think about the type of career you’d love to have, or places you’d love to travel to. You could have too little time on your hands and want to live a life that is more balanced. Perhaps you’d like to fit in more exercise. Maybe you’d like to be able to talk to people with confidence and ease, or have a wider circle of friends. Are you artistic or creative and want a life that nurtures your talents with your lifestyle and career ambitions.  Or that business idea you’ve been promising to get off the ground, but you have no idea where to start.

2/ What does success look like to you?
It’s important to have a clear vision of what success is for you, so that you can visualise what achieving the goal will look like to you once you’ve accomplished it. So imagine for a moment that you’ve planned out the type of life you want for yourself.  What will you be doing? Where and how would you be living? What are the sights and sounds around you? If it’s a business venture what sort of income do you expect from it? If you want to have a more balanced life, how much of your day, week or month will change? What percentage of your time will be free-time and work time? What would you do with more free-time? How will this make you feel to achieve this and how will this change and enhance your life?

3/ What do you want to achieve?
Perhaps you’d like to lose weight for that holiday of a lifetime or just feel fitter and healthier in general. Maybe your life is too stressful and you want to simplify it. Do you have specific goals in mind that would support you to create the life you dream of living? It doesn’t matter if your goals are big or small, or that they are long term or short term goals. If you need someone to support you to achieving those goals then a life coach can help you get there.

4/ Do you need support?
It can be extremely difficult trying to achieve a goal without the support or encouragement of another fellow human being. A life coach could be the strength you need to help get you focused and move from you where you are now to where you want to be quicker than you can do it on your own. They are your motivator and champion, encouraging you to pass the finish line. There is no one more proud of you (with the exception of yourself) than your life coach when you achieve the goal or dream you set out to achieve. So if you don’t feel you have that support, but you are highly motivated to make changes, hiring a life coach might be the perfect solution.

5/ How much time and money are you willing to invest to achieve this?
Is this something that will take up much of your time? What length of time do you have in mind to complete these goals? Having an idea of the time you are prepared to invest to achieve the goal will give you an indication of how long it will take and discover if it’s realistic or not. This will also identify how many hours coaching you will need and a clue of how much it will cost you financially.

6/ Am I ready to take action now?
So what are you waiting for? If not now when and why? How long are you prepared to wait for that perfect sometime? You know what they say about tomorrow – it never comes! This is an old English proverb that warns of procrastination. What you are really saying to yourself is “I’m not ready yet!” This could be for several reasons; you don’t have the confidence, you don’t know enough, you don’t want to take the risk. You’re scared that you might fail.  

Let me reassure you these mental scaremongers that buzz around everyone’s brains can all be resolved in the coaching relationship when you find the right coach for you. It’s ok if you are content with what you already have, just avoid looking back in years to come and saying, “Life could have been so different if only I’d have done…” or “Why did I never get round to doing…?” “Why am I still doing this job I really don’t enjoy anymore?”

7/ What type coach would be best to help me with this?
Employing a coach can be one of the most rewarding investments in your life. There are many types of coaches for you to choose from, these include business coaches, executive coaches, career coaches, holistic coaches, health & wellness coaches, personal life coaches, sports coaches and niche coaches. They may also employ very structured methods of goal setting or can be more intuitive to delivering a more authentic, holistic and customised coaching relationship. It’s really up to you to decide what works best for you.

I hope you enjoyed reading this article and it’s cleared up any thoughts you might be having, as to whether you have the will and purpose and ready to enter into a productive and rewarding coaching relationship.
​
I wish you all the best in discovering YOUR star potential!

If you have the time I would love to hear your feedback from this week’s ‘Julia’s Journal’ article.

You can also follow me on Twitter​

In this world of excess and full-on action living it’s easy for your wardrobe to suffer a little neglect and gain a few extra pounds. This blog will explain the science behind dress; how it can affect your confidence and self-esteem. I will also give you ten  tips to reduce your wardrobe and reveal your authentic-self, giving you the opportunity to discover your star potential!

Is your wardrobe heaving with clothes and shoes from nearly every decade, many not seeing the light of day in years? Or do its rails groan with garments either too ill-fitting, out of date, or just not you anymore? Then please read on.
​
I encourage you to ‘Set them free!’ Let them go and live the life that their designers and manufacturers intended. This will leave you free to have a clothes collection that projects who you are and the life you’re choosing for yourself.   

For many of us fashion is our identity. It says something about us. It portrays an image we want our social groups to recognise in us.  Fashion is emotional and has a psychological effect on us. A 2012 Vogue article discussed a study into ‘Confidence dressing: how clothing affects the mind’. The article explains the chemical reaction in the brain when we dress ourselves in certain garments. It claims your brain alters its thinking by the clothes that you wear.

Another study published by Professor Pine (2014) that compliments this theory explains that our dress can have a significant effect on our self-esteem and confidence. These studies highlight how our clothes aren’t just social armour, but they can actually makes us believe that we’re not just what we wear, we can actually become what we wear.
​
Think about this, if clothes can make us feel empowered and liberated then it can also have an adverse effect when we hang on to clothes that don’t project the person we are or want to be, thus working against us, decreasing self-esteem, confidence and self-belief in ourselves. It could also be holding you back professionally!

To reveal your authentic-self cast off those mixed messages you’re possibly sending out to the world, and find the right weight plan for your wardrobe.

I’ve put together 10 top tips that I urge you to try to get you back on track to having a wardrobe that screams out to you and everyone who marvels at it, “Here I am, in all my glorious, wonderful self”.

I know it might feel daunting and there’s that emotional attachment we have to some of our clothes, but ask yourself ‘What’s not to gain by condensing your wardrobe?’ Yes you are going to have to let go of clothes, but only after asking yourself some key questions.

Tip 1 – Phone a friend - If this does seem a daunting, even traumatic task, then seek assistance, don’t do it alone. I encourage you to invite your partner or a trusted friend that knows you well to come and give you support. Whoever you choose, if anyone at all, ensure they are sincere, honest, caring and know you and your likes and dislikes very well. It’s important to add at this point that you feel comfortable and relaxed around them, taking any remarks they may have into consideration when making your decision, and that they understand your decision is final!

Tip 2 – Get a full length mirror – A must!  If you don’t know what you look like in the clothes it makes the whole decision-making process much more difficult. The mirror comes into its own particularly when you mix and match your clothes and accessories.

Tip 3 - Questions - ‘Retain or remove?’
Many of the questions you may recognise are from my previous blog ‘What your bookshelf reveals about you’, although the questions you ask yourself have been edited to suit the subject matter.
For example;

o   Does this bring me pleasure and is it still fun to wear?
o   Does it fit well on me and do the colours suit me?
o   Do I feel good wearing it?
o   Will I really where it again, and if so to what occasion or mood would it work best for me?
o   Is there another similar one I already have that’s better?
o   Could I co-ordinate this with other items I’ve decided must remain?
o   Can I bear to part with it? If not, why not?
o   Is it a true representation or reflection of who I am?
o   Would others benefit more from it than me?

Tip 4 – Select items for all occasions - Think about the type of clothes you need to wear. This is where you can really have some fun. My friend Anna was at a women’s business convention and the guest speaker had earlier noticed her cheerful patterned shoes. During the guest speaker’s speech, she invited everyone to see how beautiful they were. Anna said “It was lovely receiving so many compliments, and the real bonus, I made some great connections”. So don’t be afraid to incorporate your authentic-self. It can really help generate admiration, build confidence and self-esteem, and in Anna’s case increase network connections. So don’t be beige, be bold!
​
Tip 5 – Alleviate the pain of letting go – So, you’ve overcome the pain barrier by deciding to remove them from your life, but you want to make sure they go to a good home. They say charity begins at home, so why not look to your family and friends and see if they’re interested in them. You could make some cash and sell them on one of the many auction sites or donate them to a charity shop or charity vintage outlets. Whatever you do, once the decision is made don’t be tempted to pick away at the bags destined for removal. Take them well away from your daily life and pass them on at the earliest opportunity.

Tip 6 – Organise by occasion – By doing this you know how many outfits you have for all the different occasions and events that are part of your lifestyle. You could also organise them by type of garment colours. This will allow you to assess, what, if anything is missing.

Tip 7 – What’s missing? So now you’re in the position to evaluate what you have and whether you need anything else. Be aware, this should not give you carte blanche to purchase any unnecessary additional requisitions to your wardrobe, nor impulse buy. Try to think with your head not with your heart. This is your opportunity to start reviewing the authentic you and seeing if there’s something you need that completes your authentic-self collection.

​Tip 8 – Select desirable coat hangers – The coat hangers that your garments hang on are all part of the representation of your authentic-self. Why put up with those wire or shop styled hangers that say nothing about you? If you can invest in some luxury clothes hangers they’ll be better for your clothes and give you a sense of pride and self-worth.
​
Tip 9 – Regularly assess your wardrobes authenticity – As we move on with our lives, experiencing everything life has to offer, we adapt and evolve. Our personal style may change, our careers may develop or take a completely different path. To keep our wardrobe’s authenticity I suggest you review every 6-12 months.

Tip 10 – Prepare what to wear – To save you time in the morning spend a couple of minutes selecting the outfit you choose to wear the next day. It will save you time when you’re in a rush and give you more time to think what works best for you.

Another thought, if you have the energy left, apply the same ‘Retain or Remove’ strategy with your jewellery box, shoe collection or other accessories such as scarves and belts.

Now you know the impact of what you wear and how it can affect your confidence and self-esteem. You also have some handy tips to condense your wardrobe and reveal your authentic-self!
Have fun, remain authentic, and enjoy discovering your star potential.

Julia

If you have the time I would love to hear your feedback from this week’s journal article. Comment below!

Have you ever had a bookshelf or e-book clear-out and used the time to take a really good look at its contents and thought what it’s says about your identity? Does it replicate the life you live, and the career you have? In other words does it reflect your authentic-self. If not, this article you will teach you how to create a strategy to either ‘Retain or Remove’ items from your life, discover the best time for all your decision-making, and reveal your true self and focus on the life that’s authentically you.

Here’s how I discovered my authentic-self, and you can too.
A few years ago, at my home in Hounslow my bookshelves were in disarray. I’d slowly amassed a huge personal collection, many I hadn’t seen or read for years.  I’d been showing symptoms of procrastination for months to tackle my bookshelf. It seemed a daunting task, because I thought it might be too difficult, time consuming and demoralising. After running out of excuses, I decided that this could no longer be ignored. So I withdrew all the books that no longer resonated with me. For example there was an old edition of a Viz annual; what was that all about? Some misguided Christmas present was my only conclusion!
​
I needed a plan to decide which titles would be deserving of my very limited bookshelf space, and which one’s would be passed on. I created a strict ‘Retain or Remove Strategy’ in order to simplify my decision-making process. The strategy was based on this criteria;

o   Does this bring me pleasure or entertain me in any way?
o   Do I really need it?
o   Does it teach me something?
o   Will I refer to it or use to it again?
o   Is there something more useful or similar I have?
o   Can I bear to part with it? If not, why not?
o   Is it a true representation of who I am, what my core values and interests are today?
o   Would others benefit more from it than me?

As I worked through my collection, I realised it wasn’t the daunting task that I’d convinced myself it was going to be. The strategy I’d created made the whole process relatively straightforward and enjoyable, not to mention rewarding. All the books that I’d decided to remove, found new homes with either friends, family or charities, even the Viz annual, I thought, if that’s what some enjoy reading then who am I to say otherwise!

On reflection, the strategy taught me that I’d created a list of questions to follow for life. This is because you can apply a similar series of questions, or at least a couple of these questions to any one situation. Such as your personal development, career, interests & hobbies, just about anything! I resort to this strategy when making decisions from the everyday, like cleaning out the cupboards, through to the bigger decisions I mentioned earlier.  

I still struggle with letting go of some items that have a small emotional attachment. So when I come across them, they are added to my memories box and reviewed at a later date when I need to reminisce. I can live with that, I’m human after all.

I spent a day sifting, sorting, analysing and arranging, through the unnecessary, fictional, irrelevant and outdated me. The ‘Retain or Remove Strategy’ revealed a collection that revealed my identity, my authentic-self. The titles left on the shelf really reflected what my passions were, what I stood for, what motivated and entertained me and brought me joy and happiness. My career and life today stems from that 1 day of clearing down my bookshelf. So you see the answers were in my grasp all this time, and they can be for you too.

I would urge you to take regular breaks to make decisions. The reason I say this is a study I came across, often cited in journals, explains, the best time to make decisions. The study reveals that we tend to adopt different patterns of thinking at different times of the day. In the morning the decisions we make can take longer, but our judgements tend to be far more accurate. In the afternoon or evening we can make decisions that are much quicker, but can be more risky and less accurate.

Today my book collection continues to be a reflection of myself, as it’s reviewed every six months. It’s highly eclectic, spanning a broad range of topics from the fictional, inspiring reads, to titles that offer enrichment, educational and factual knowledge. The difference these days is that any new additions to my collection are now thought through carefully before allowing them to adorn my bookshelf. Yes I still occasionally receive the misguided book selections from kind contributors, but now I deal with them, by referring to my ‘Retain or Remove Strategy’. 

No space for a bookshelf, or no real book collection? Discover the authentic you using the same ‘Retain or Remove Strategy’ by reflecting on the company you keep, your social circles, personal and work relationships that you value, and the lifestyle you enjoy.

So if you’ve ever ask these same big questions about yourself, or you struggle to find your identity and feel the need to discover your true self, then I encourage you to spend 1 day using the ‘Retain or Remove Strategy’ to your bookshelves and find your authentic-self.   

I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas for discovering your true self, so please leave your comments after reading this article.​

I will be discussing the term authentic-self regularly in my blogs, as this is a key element to my holistic life coaching style. So I thought it would be useful to you that I write this article to explain the term authentic-self in a little more detail. I’ll also be explaining the benefits of living an authentic life, what authentic-self isn’t, and how to embed your authentic-self into your life without it becoming detrimental to you, your social life or your career.

There are two types of self, authentic-self (who you are created to be by the experiences that made you) and false-self (who the world expects you to be). When we ask ourselves who are we? This is a hugely complicated question, which has been hypothesised by academics since Aristotle. To simplify this we could choose to answer by describing our job titles, position, status or our function. This is not who we are it’s what we do. This does not describe the essence of ourselves.
​
Authentic-self
Simply put, the term authentic-self involves being your true self, the essence of who you are at your absolute core.  When you live a life that is authentic, you’re doing what you love for work or finding an outlet for it in your free-time. You feel free to express your true self in your actions, opinions, personality and emotions. The things that are uniquely you and need expression. You understand your limitations and you don’t feel threatened by letting others know this. In order to be your authentic-self requires great self-awareness.​

​False-self
We sometimes find it easier to conform to the roles to that which our social groups expect of us, which neither suits nor fits with our core values. This is our false-selves. False-self suppress our ability to represent ourselves in a way that sits comfortably with our core values.

How you behave with your friends or partner may be different from how you are with your family or your hierarchy of work colleagues. This is fine it is acting socially appropriately.

Self-awareness
In order to know our authentic-self we first need to be self-aware. Self-awareness is a key element in emotional intelligence.  To become self-aware you must have a clear insight into your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, motivations, likes and dislikes. Importantly a self-aware person will have a strong sense of what limits them, a sense of their own worth, they have humility and are open to constructive criticism from their peers. 
​
10 benefits of living an authentic life
o   You are comfortable and relaxed with all people  - supports mental wellbeing
o   You are confident – reduces stress and anxiety and heightens self-esteem
o   You have a sense of value / self-worth - supports self-esteem and confidence
o   You rely on yourself for happiness and joy, not others - supports mental wellbeing
o   You have a deep level of understanding of your self – ability to control your feelings and actions

At first you may think that it’s tricky being your true self in your daily life, and yes it probably will take courage sometimes, but in the long run you benefit because you are not suppressing who you really are at your core, which supports a balanced, healthy life.

To summarise. In order to embed your authentic-self, you are on a continual journey to;

o   Live the life you love, incorporating all things that you love in life
o   Be true and honest with yourself and others
o   Be assertive and respectful of others
o   Offer mindful, considered, well-balanced opinions and arguments
o   Maintain a sense of personal worth
o   Maintain a deep level of self-awareness

You have now learnt what is meant by the term authentic-self, what the benefits are, the characteristics of an authentic-self person, and benefits of being your authentic-self. Also how you can embed your authenticity into your life.

For your interest I will leave you with some Authentic living quotes.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas for discovering your authentic-self, so please leave your comments after reading this article.

Discover your star potential!

Julia

Do you fight with the thoughts of self-doubt and lack the confidence to move on with your life? Do you say to yourself “How can I take action to eliminate negative feelings?” “How can I get back to feeling confident and start living the life I dream of?”

This blog explains why you feel this way and offers 12 ways to claim back your confidence and self-esteem, banishing negativity and self-doubt once and for all.

We all ask these questions of ourselves from time to time. When you are feeling stressed, insecure and vulnerable and your confidence and self-esteem are at a low, it’s important to take some positive action to manage negativity.

​These feelings are a complicated affair as they stem from many reference points. Psychotherapist Suzanne Lachmann, Psy.D, cites 10 sources for low self-esteem which can be deeply embedded in our conscious minds. These experiences can bring about powerful negative thoughts as the mind seeks out evidence to prove these thoughts to be true, seriously impairing our belief that we can achieve our personal goals.

Daniel G. Amen MD helps us to understand why our brains default to Automatic Negative Thoughts or ANT’s.  Without going into too much detail, ANT’s occur when the Limbic System, where our emotions related to our instincts and memories are thought to be controlled from, becomes overactive, and induce negative thought responses. It’s the brains primitive natural response or defence mechanism when we feel threatened.

While this defence mechanism was once a life saver in our modern day existence it’s often detrimental to our mental health and ability to be self-actualised people, that’s living life to one's full potential.   

A key step, is to reset your brain’s default from negative to positive mental behaviours. Employing a Life Coach is also a great way to keeping you motivated and achieving personal goals that you want to achieve.
​
Here are my top 12 tips I’ve put together to improve your mental health and grow in confidence.


1.  Positive thinking
Identify negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts.  For example when bad things happen, think what lessons you have learnt from that experience. Try to think of one thing that you can take away from a bad experience and see a way of turning it into positive thinking. For example learning from a mistake or seeing that painful experience has taught you empathy for people who have experienced this.

2.  Set yourself challenges
Start with small challenges that are relatively easy to achieve. Perhaps a personal development goal, fitness, something that makes you feel proud of yourself for achieving. As your confidence grows you take on more challenging goals which require a greater level of confidence to achieve, thus slowly restores your self-esteem.

3.  Practice forgiveness
Don’t let past hurts eat you up inside. Let it go, show compassion and forgive them (or yourself), allowing you to focus on what’s important in the here and now and in your future.

4.  Acknowledge your gratitude
Acknowledge what you’ve got that’s good in your life and show gratitude for it, don’t take them for granted. There’s always someone worse off than you. Write  down 5 things you’re grateful for. This promotes good mental health, as well as an overall sense of wellbeing and happiness.

5.  Helping others
When you can see that others need your help, support them if they need help, not to the point it hurts you to do so or you become intrusive. The act of giving is a powerful thing, leaving you with a sense of raised self-esteem, social connection and happiness.

6.  Spend more time with morale boosters
These are the people that make you feel good about yourself. Spend time with a positive friend or someone who always makes you laugh. Try to dodge the negative sponges who drain you of your energy and happiness; the moaners, pessimists, the glass is half empty type people.

7.  Avoid playing the victim
​Playing the victim and playing the blame game feeds negativity. Remember this is your life to live, so take responsibility for it. It will empower you all the more and your self-esteem and confidence will be boundless.​

​8.  Practice mindfulness and meditation
Mindfulness exercises and meditation are a great way of calming the mind and reducing anxiety. Practising these regularly will restore your self-awareness by being present in the moment.

​9.  Eating a nutritional, healthy, balanced diet
What you eat really can relieve you of negative thoughts and offer clear benefits to our mental wellbeing. Although research is in its infancy, there’s mounting evidence which suggests what we eat affects the function of our brains. See this article published by Community Food and Health (Scotland), ‘Food, mental health and wellbeing’. A word of advice though, speak to your GP before making any changes to your diet.

10.  A regular exercise regime
I can vouch for this claim for its powers in suppressing negative thinking. Regular exercise hugely supports a positive frame of mind. The NHS urges that we should ‘Get active for mental well-being’.

11.   Reconnect with nature
Experience the outdoors. Take a walk in the woods or a place that makes you feel joy, happiness and fully alive. Immerse yourself in the environment. I like to walk with my dog around the local park near Twickenham in West London or go for a ramble around Richmond Park.
​
12.   Earthing yourself
This is the simple act of connecting our bare feet or body to the earth, ideally on a daily basis for around 15 minutes a day. If you want to learn more about earthing I urge you to read the book by Ober, Sinatra and Zucker (2010) Earthing: the most important discovery ever? I’ll also be writing an article about this in one of my future blogs, as well as other life coaching tips, so keep an eye out on my page ‘Julia’s Journal’.
 
You now understand the sources of low self-esteem and confidence, why they occur and some great tips of how to improve your self-esteem and confidence, allowing you the freedom of mind to live the life that enables you to reach your star potential.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas for beating the blues, so please leave your comments after reading this.
​
Julia